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It’s Christmas!!!!

Mama had said I’d be taking a role in the play at the church!!!!! Yeeeeyyyyyy! I know I’ve not known the first about drama but she says I’m quite dramatic. Big grin! You know what’s more? Granddaddy thinks true too and now I’d be my own super star! Happy feet!

I went for the auditions and my goodness! They kept rolling in; youngs like me whose parents say are super stars too. This one has always caused me wonder. Nobody’s Mama wants him to be only a star or not at all, they all want the super. I would like to be just a star if Mama would let me. I’d be the only without a ‘super’ and then I’d be my own model. That would really be cool right? Right!

Ms Sarah opted for directing. She says she has been in the movies since she was a kid. I really don’t know what truth is in it but I know she’s drama. Great drama. She says we’d be acting The 12 Days of Christmas. She says 12 is all the days of Christmas but Mama gives me presents only on the 25. I don’t think I would ever understand these women, they seem to always not agree. Jodie and Joda would never want me to know too. Anyway I just want presents for Christmas.

Ms Sarah says we’d need plenty of Love, Hens and Doves, Trees and Birds, Rings and Geese, Swans and Maids, Ladies and Lords, Pipers and Drums. She says we’d have a Creed that belongs to an Apostle, the boys in white- many of them, two large woods with inscriptions, a basket of fruits with names on the them, girls with beautiful attitudes, the gifts that were holy and some creatures carved, a white scroll that has all of the instructions, the saving songs, the three best friends, the two texts, a cross, and Chris, the most beautiful boy in the Chapel. He’s to be one true love. Ms Sarah would not give a role yet. She says I have one put away just for me because I’m special. Maybe I’m the most special in the block. Mama would not yet buy me costumes. She says I must have my special role first.


Mama had murdered two lives. Ms Sarah says anyone who kills would be judged by Biggest Daddy but Mama doesn’t seem to mind. I’d have to be sorry to Biggest Daddy for her. That way, biggest daddy will see me cry to Him and love my mama again. She said she’d feed me with them anyway. Granddaddy says my body is only a house for my spirit. He says my spirit looks just like I look in the mirror and my face is not really me. He says my inside has another place it would be that is home. It’s where I’d be when I go to be with big daddy and Biggest Daddy in the skies and my reflection would be given to the ground so it would live long then my spirit would be in the skies. He says it might hurt. Animals die too because they live. Mama killed the two grand hens today and she would not say if they had spirits or whether they’d be in the skies with Biggest Daddy. I hope they rest in peace and forgive my mama for hurting them.

Uncle’s boys will scream the roofs down and block all of our tympanic membranes. We need help!!! There are all candies and cakes I think I’m going to be in the convenience until the 12th Christmas night. There are the reds and greens up high and all around, my eyes may suffer a brain concussion from the many colours. The smaller women wouldn’t stop giggling; I wonder what tickles them so much. Papa hasn’t said much. He’s just been smiling away. He’s definitely happy with his woman. Toke has smiled again. She’s not saying she loves me but I know she does. Then there’s this guy that wouldn’t stop staring…


Ms Sarah would come over to give my special role…

…I’d be always by her side holding all the expensives. She says it’s my unique role, just for me. She calls it ‘extra’. Whatever it is, my heart’s voice keeps singing and dancing around like it would be out for a concert. I know I’m happy it’s Christmas but I think the too much red has gotten into my skins, I’m all blushed pink!

Oh well, it’s Christmas…the mass in Christ!


Mama was seeing finally!

Mama was seeing finally!

Mama was taking notice. She said she always held me in her glances but I would not regard.


There are churnings in my belly, I don’t know what they mean. Life doesn’t just seem to be and all right. Mama calls them ‘usual’, she says I’m being prepared to be won over. She would not explain what she means and Jodie and Joda would not stop funning out of it. They say I’d look just like them and I’d become a super star. This one doesn’t bother me much, I know papa and granddaddy will be my protection. Something else breaks my heart…

Toke would no longer speak to me. She says I invade her space and I impale her. She reminds me of Tania’s little sound box…it never opened. The little woman in it would not stop dancing and singing, but she would not be let out. And she died. I don’t want Toke to die, she’d only make me a murderer. She said I made her little, now she’d have just her ruins. She would not agree to my love, she says I must keep off…but my heart aches.

Granddaddy signed me up for summer classes. He says I’d have fun at the Inventories but I don’t like the Sciences. Still, granddaddy insists on my being a doctor, he says I’d make us proud.

Now papa smiles only a little. Mama says he’s in his period and he has a lot of heaviness on his behind, but I can’t see the weight. I wish papa would smile. Maybe he would have no time for me but mama misses him, her body says loudly. I wish I had a wand that would make all the pain go away. I want to heal. I want mama and papa to be well. I miss Toke, she would not even give as much as a glance across.


Granddaddy seems to have all beautiful, his wrinkled face would not yet produce a single frown. He says his joy is locked up in strength that is locked up in the greater joy. He gave me a wrap. He says it’d lead me to Biggest Daddy. He says He loves me and He’d hold my heart and take the pain away.

I want Biggest Daddy to take the pain away, I want the joy and peace that granddaddy has, I want to love without getting hurt, I want daddy out of his period, I want to leave the Sciences, and I want Toke to love me again.

Big daddy says Biggest Daddy can, but what is most important is that I listen for what He’d have me do…



With her head full, drifting into her heart was all

So heavy she could not contain, there were churnings in her bossom

One hand bearing reminiscences,the other desires strong. 
Her eyes not withholding, letting out her heart’s weight, it could not control

She couldn’t have it all -her cake – to eat and to have back. She would do any for keeps

All she got yet were rejects…she wanted back! 
Her heart missed, her soul cared genuinely

Desiring to possess all, she would’ve turned back time bearing likeness – 

she couldn’t have all still. 
Moving to outlets most vocal, comfort she sought with a solving

Her tunnel to receive light, this she desired strongly. 
She received – pitiful scorn.

It broke her – there seemed no understanding bearing her heart’s weight. 

One last resort seated that seemed supreme and she would take her chances, giving her opening. For she needed soothing…
He started on – it didn’t leave still, 

He made to soothe – her reminisces giving no routes, 

He relaxed – piercing through her marrows were yet the pains, 

Then He found a way…

Bearing nothing to obstruct, she let all to Him. 

With no living left in her, into His arms she fell…he would provide a soothing.
Now trusting;

In her heart was love most genuine, In her soul care most authentic. 

The void missing,

she craved refilling,

she wanted back,

she desired warmth… 
       So the melodies that were her                                        voicings.


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Our brother, Epaphroditus, suffers ailment… 

‘Hey! Do you hear those footsteps that thunder? The soldiers are approaching!!!’

Too slow! Too slow! Redeem the time, bearing on you our victory song. 


“Copy that friend! I’d be soon on my heels!”  
My heart yearns for you. Just a glimpse of you I desire. But more than a glimpse, for the Lord will surely give my desire. Until He permits, my spirit remains surrounding… 

Sir, the labourers are all out in the field. You must be with them or you will get whipped- 

…my faithful help, Tim, sends his love too.

-I will be present shortly. Go over now. Be about Father’s business. 

Therefore now, hold fast that which has been given you. My heart aches for you, but for evil’s limitations. I hear of your exploits, your exploits of love. Those are my soul’s feed. 

Limits may be of my body, but the spirit of man is suppressed not, it is the wind of his within, it wanders still. My Soul remains in strength within me, for my source is of him who has freshness. 

You must keep to the fight, until eternal life you hold. For you were called to this- that you establish the heart of the Body in the Head. Let not your heart be troubled now, for I lack nothing and I am lacking in nothing. Like a shield round about have I been surrounded with favour. Being final, He said to me … 

‘…as the waters cover the seas, so the knowledge of God.’ 

I must go now. For even to the government, I must abound in obedience. Soon, we will be one. 

‘Brother Paul!!!!’


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‘not so much as a whisper until you hear me say ‘shout!’, then shout away’!

Toke had seen a figure she knew not what…

Her visions seemed permeated, generously shed abroad, she could hold no picture,

Life had become not less than a burden, before her laid a Chest that was her crucifix,

She had met her death- or maybe what seemed to be.


She would dig up until she saw it…

It seemed like flesh- fearfully pink,

It remained fresh- the covering would not stink.

She was surrounded by madness, and blindness that had to them become light,

They saw nothing, knew nothing, understood nothing, yet they claimed wise…all an order of reserve.


There were always light steps down the lawn, and a shadow that was becoming comfort,

Still and warm, there’d be no air, yet there remained the breath of life,

Voices from beneath shouted- these were her joy. She’d rather remain with the unknown than get that reverse that had become the order.


She walked on water, water not at all visible, yet seemed to get her where she’d live,

She’d sit before that flesh made open; she had absorbed the pink, it colored her thinking,

Then she’d let out hots from her visions…

‘why did He hate me much? Why did He take my me? Now He has asked life of me; He Has given me a burden without a helper, a Chest that is to be Covenant…yet i have no life.’


‘take up the Chest of Covenant Yoke…’

She looked up and saw it, again that figure that blazed, the figure with that drawn sword…

look sharp now. Iv’e already given to you, along with its King and its Crack Troops.    Here’s what you are to do; but first, take your sandals off your feet. you defile my domain…’

He was going to make Her a brand-

Not just a Barbie, she was His perfect seal.


CLOAKS AS OF GOD…Even The Form Of Godliness.

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Three things unto me are oblivious,
Yet four that are mysteries..
The journey to finding purpose;
The path of patience;
The essence in pride;
Cloaks as of God.

Life’s journey…variably part of the process…
When trust is shaking and faith is being transformed into liquid unproducing, not because the Author and Finisher- God as I know Him, has become any less, but fear has begun it’s perfect work in me.

All done, aching tears let out in a seas rush,
My heart is aching to breaks.
Fear taking it’s best hold on me and here’s the mutual, there’s no defence or strength left.

It’s a journey to finding purpose –
Beat to the ground, cries of mercy leased.
Patience eloped, my thoughts cannot seem to follow.
He said there were many checkpoints – they’d slow down and alter with it purpose and timing.

He said Him, working to get attention but too busy to hear Him, thus my dying sensitivities.
From my within seems to be overflowing fears rhythm,
Yet faith not completely lost.
Loops too porous purpose is slipping through,
Directing eludes me and now I’m left struggling ahead of Creator.
Yet with my heart’s strength crushed-
…His Word is my Sword and His Arms are my Fortress..

Here, just one, is a facade

Here’s faith and Christiandom.
A show of events and abilities is becoming;
Power so easily seems transferred, and from vein to vein flows forth oil…
even if I give my body – neck dragged to the stake to be burned as a martyr, and like a sheep to the slaughter I open not my mouth;
even if mysteries be revealed, making every plain as day in all faith;
even if I speak with tongues as of angels, and I have faith as God, with human eloquence and ecstacy, yet not love, so effectively creeks
personified I become, emptiness I become too…perfect in emptiness.

So easily we resort to objects of public display – cloaks as of God, yet no God within…
No faith, no patience, no love, just jointness without – degenerated to walking deads.

Hear the conclusion of the whole matter –
Faith and love;
Faith towards Him that is Him;
Love towards them made from Him…
Faith that propels love;
Love that springs forth from the deepest within. Genuine, without any pride of residence – is what is Christianity – the power there in.

…But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in the part will be done away with…

Phire’s Diary…

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Source: Phire’s Diary…